


Colour Me Blue

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Category: I Like It When You Sleep For You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware Of It - Evelyn R. Loss, Original Work
Genre: Blue - Freeform, Character Study, Cymraeg, F/F, F/M, Original Art, Original Fiction, Original work - Freeform, Paganism, Philosophy, Welsh Character, colour me blue, cymry, original literature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22203274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: A character study and philosophical insight into what feels condemned and what it is to be wanted to be coloured blue
Relationships: at current time, invalid - Relationship
Kudos: 2





	Colour Me Blue

**Author's Note:**

> "Fe'i defnyddir i'ch gweld yn uchel ac erbyn hyn dydych chi ond yn isel."
> 
> "Mae fy holl oleuadau yn wyrdd i fynd ond ni allaf ond breuddwydio am y ffordd, cariad."

Sometimes you can love someone so much or simply hold such a tender admiration for a person that you fall into their aura and it gives you an eipihany. Because of them, you strive to do better, be better for yourself. You skip beer for breakfast and your sanity for lunch, and you just thrive on them. Their smiles, their sex, the smell of their hair, their voice, the way they look at you and you wonder how you ever deserved someone so beautiful to bless you in such a way. You want to do everything possibly so they will look at you like that forever. 

  
But they can leave you so hollow inside your eyes grow warm and this bitter hate fills you up inside; you see them and you think to yourself about how stupid their face goes when the tilt their head on a single angle. How dumb they look in that selfie when you once thought they looked beautiful in every single one. 

  
It's heartbreak.

  
And there's nothing you can do about it.

  
In my case it's desperation. I've got so much yet I lack so much. Things gnaw at you, eat you up inside, devour you. It's not a mental thing, it's not a cancerous thing, it's just apart of being human. Bitterness, jealousy, weakness, lack of self-worth. 

  
When they go for someone that's nothing like you, and nowhere near you.

  
That guy you like nearly has a sexual affair with his best friend and that girl you like also starts to date a buff dickhead with a black beard.

  
I'm a lightweight and I know it, but not in the way that you think.

  
I just know that I won't be able to sleep tonight, and that's alright.

  
I realized yesterday that I've never loved someone as much as I love Wales and my Paganism and my Goddess; and, honestly, who would I sacrifice? My identity or my lover?  
Of course the lover would go. 

  
My Goddess is the Goddess of Universe and of Fate. Between her and I, there will always be that unattainable person I think that I want so much that if they realized about me I could just fill them up.

  
How I want to be a person that goes to someone else's head and sends them straight to the edge.

  
I'm certain no one dreams of me at night, yet I dream of people at night, and, hey, if you looked at me, you wouldn't think that I dream about the people I do.

  
I love the colour blue. It's my favourite colour. I hate blue skies, though. I hate sunshine. I love grey, over-cast skies. Do I love blue eyes? Well, a side affect of being Welsh means that our race takes ethno-nationalism to a whole new level.

  
Essentially that means I don't really want the idea of Germanic blood, if though you might be the number one sweetheart.

  
You see how things work?

  
I'm many things. I'm five foot five with Cymry curves and thick black hair and long eye-lashes; the v-shaped jaw and Neanderthal cheekbones.

  
And I want two people in the world - alive - to take off all their clothes for me, and somewhere in my soul tucked away are another two people, two versions of...what I want, and what I need. People call it a "type", but it transcends "Type" for me. I've already got it worked out, but...it gets complicated, when you just wait for something to come along that is like them. You can match their face to their's and think, "Hm, that works."

  
We're not the masters of our own fate and we're no the captain's of our own souls. Human beings can't be trusted to be given the tiniest thing and not squander it. 

  
I need to put something nicer here, some nicer lines, to finish this off. But I don't know what to say. Just one thing.

  
_Take off, take off, take off all your clothes_

  
_Take off, take off, take off all your clothes_

  
_Take off, take off, take off all your clothes_


End file.
